So have I observed:

• A good Code Monkey should know C++, Java, or both. (I have evaluated C# as well, but a lot of .NET and Mono programmers seem genuinely interested in getting things done, so they are therefore disqualified.) As a bonus, a good Code Monkey should take classes on either language. These classes are perfect because they don’t actually teach you anything.
• A good Code Monkey should disregard most other languages, except as toys, and should become familiar with the word “powerful” (but they should not give it any substantial definition in an argument). They should, however, avoid words like “expressive” (and any occurrence of the word should be remapped to “toy”).
• A good Code Monkey knows that if it can be done in 5 lines of code in a toy language, it deserves to be done in 50 in a real language.
• A good Code Monkey, further, knows that programming languages were not made for humans; they were made for computers.
• A good Code Monkey knows that programming languages only exist as a source of income. It is not, as toy programmers seem to spout, about solving interesting problems, culture, art, history, fun, or anything intellectual (unless followed by property). It is only about the enterprise.
• A good Code Monkey knows that if it does not exist in C++ or Java, it is probably not worth it, because all you need are pointers and long class names.
• A good Code Monkey should learn the object oriented paradigm, because it is the only one that matters in an enterprise environment. However, they should not be lured into toy languages that utilize the object oriented paradigm in non-standard ways (see Ruby, a toy language): It is only necessary that they can create deep class hierarchies.
• A good Code Monkey should also never be tempted to learn other programming paradigms, because if they want to make it in the world, there is only one way that they are required to think.
• A good Code Monkey knows that a strong language has two key features: static typing (because all errors happen at compile time) and native machine code compilation (Java has been forgiven). As an added bonus, the more code that must be produced to have a working solution means that it is a stronger solution.
• A good Code Monkey is able to judge a language based on the development environments that are available for it. As an added bonus, the harder it is to write code in a language without the full support of an enterprise-class IDE, the better the language is.